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Paladin Corps: Book 1 by K. Gainor is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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    Monday
    Aug152016

    The Journey, So Far...

    When I completed Paladin Corps nearly 5 years ago, I had a few jokes to make. It all started with this Youtube video.

    I often said "9 months, 4 different devices, 3 different word processing programs, 1 messed-up mind. That was the recipe for this novel." Little did I know just how true that was.

    Putting out the money for this website, the domain name, the podcast hosting, it was, and still is, not an easy task. Self-publishing isn't simple, or cheap, and for a shmuck with a low-paying job, it can be a daunting struggle.

    A change in employment, a shift in hours, and my second novel, "Zach & Gillian," quickly fell by the wayside. Truth be told, less than 2000 words have been written in it since 2012. I slip quite easily into the "blame life happening" mindset to explain it all away.

    But the reality still exists: I fell off. I stopped. Essentially, I quit.

    More than 4 years later, life hasn't relented. Money is still just as much of a barrier as it was when I put the first fingers to keyboard. I'm at that point where another job with no connection to writing is in my very near future, lest the world around my life fall into financial ruin. It would be so easy to fall right back off the map, letting P.C. be my one and only foray into the publishing world.

    So, why do I write this post? Do I have some newfound words of wisdom and encouragement to share? Have I found some yet-undiscovered trick to finding the balance between day job responsibilities and dream-chasing endeavors?

    Sorry... But no.

    The truth is, I'm still just as terrified as I was 4+ years ago. I don't know what is about to happen, or if any real success is in my future. And that is a real punch to the gut.

    I'm not writing this post to encourage you in your artistic pursuits, nor am I writing it to inspire you to chase your dreams.

    This one is for me. It is my tired and haggard attempt to hold on to what I'm building, my one attempt to not let this time fall as flat as its predecessors. It is my "Hail Mary" throw, my raging against the darkness.

    That, dear reader, is the less glamorous side of being a creator. Positive reviews and royalty payments can be a wonderful boost to your mood. But they can get washed away so quickly by crippling self-doubt, lethargy, and fear.  Writing isn't easy, but life is tougher. Weakness is the death of art.

    I guess we'll just have to see if I have the stones to keep fighting.

    If you have the means to give me a boost, you can find Paladin Corps: Book 1 here on Amazon. A sale would be amazing, a review even more so. I'm still on my feet for the moment, and any support you can offer might just keep me there a little longer.

    As always, my eternal gratitude is with you. Talk to you soon,

    - K.

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