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Paladin Corps: Book 1 by K. Gainor is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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    Focus. Commitment. Discipline. (AKA: Things I lack.)

    My biggest fears in life, in no particular order, are:

    - Dying alone.

    - Drowning.

    - Failing to make this writing thing work, and being forever stuck in a job I despise and dread.

    - Bees/Wasps/Other stingy flying bugs of death.

    Now, my sweet Angel Kathy has seemingly erased the chances of one of these outcomes, and well thought-out plans when visiting water-based locations have so-far made another potential situation unlikely. Odds are in my favor I will not drown in utter solitude, unless it is in a pool filled with beer (and probably some tears.)

    But bees... Those bastards are unavoidable. No matter how careful I am, I will never be able to completely avoid these flying hell-spawn. They are far to numerous, and I just can't stop my life and lock myself in a bee-proof room for the rest of my days.

    I simply have to stay vigilant, and be prepared to act/run like a frightened gazelle when I encounter them. My family has a history of severe allergic reactions to a sting, and I (having never been stung) don't know how serious my reaction would be. I could be completely fine, or go into a life threatening fit. I just don't know. So I must be cautious at all times, and never let my guard down.

    What is my point?

    My point is: Why can't I apply this level of vigilant attention to my writing career? Why do I let the crippling fear of failure, and the daunting vision of the struggles ahead freeze me in place here, when I have learned to manage my life when it comes to dagger-assed insects from the seventh circle of darkness?

    Discipline. Determination. Focus. I often lack these qualities in life, especially with writing. I have such a hard time sitting down and just, as Chuck Wendig says, “Shut Up And Write.”

    And that is the issue at hand.

    While I don't have advice for anyone on how to overcome this battle, I do have one bit of encouragement:

    Putting it off now damned near guarantees future failure.

    I could, no, SHOULD, have had “Zach & Gillian” finished at least 3 years ago. I should have had “Viral,” “Paladin Corps: Book 2,” and maybe even “Zach & Gillian – Volume 2” finished by now. Now, I'm struggling to make things work with just one title to offer, rather than 5. And it sucks.

    So all I offer, all I ask, id that you don't put your dreams off any longer. That you don't drag your feet putting the building blocks together for you future success. As hard as it is now, it only gets harder the longer you wait.

    So get your ass in gear, do the thing. Because you might not always have the chance to.


    - K.


    The Journey, So Far...

    When I completed Paladin Corps nearly 5 years ago, I had a few jokes to make. It all started with this Youtube video.

    I often said "9 months, 4 different devices, 3 different word processing programs, 1 messed-up mind. That was the recipe for this novel." Little did I know just how true that was.

    Putting out the money for this website, the domain name, the podcast hosting, it was, and still is, not an easy task. Self-publishing isn't simple, or cheap, and for a shmuck with a low-paying job, it can be a daunting struggle.

    A change in employment, a shift in hours, and my second novel, "Zach & Gillian," quickly fell by the wayside. Truth be told, less than 2000 words have been written in it since 2012. I slip quite easily into the "blame life happening" mindset to explain it all away.

    But the reality still exists: I fell off. I stopped. Essentially, I quit.

    More than 4 years later, life hasn't relented. Money is still just as much of a barrier as it was when I put the first fingers to keyboard. I'm at that point where another job with no connection to writing is in my very near future, lest the world around my life fall into financial ruin. It would be so easy to fall right back off the map, letting P.C. be my one and only foray into the publishing world.

    So, why do I write this post? Do I have some newfound words of wisdom and encouragement to share? Have I found some yet-undiscovered trick to finding the balance between day job responsibilities and dream-chasing endeavors?

    Sorry... But no.

    The truth is, I'm still just as terrified as I was 4+ years ago. I don't know what is about to happen, or if any real success is in my future. And that is a real punch to the gut.

    I'm not writing this post to encourage you in your artistic pursuits, nor am I writing it to inspire you to chase your dreams.

    This one is for me. It is my tired and haggard attempt to hold on to what I'm building, my one attempt to not let this time fall as flat as its predecessors. It is my "Hail Mary" throw, my raging against the darkness.

    That, dear reader, is the less glamorous side of being a creator. Positive reviews and royalty payments can be a wonderful boost to your mood. But they can get washed away so quickly by crippling self-doubt, lethargy, and fear.  Writing isn't easy, but life is tougher. Weakness is the death of art.

    I guess we'll just have to see if I have the stones to keep fighting.

    If you have the means to give me a boost, you can find Paladin Corps: Book 1 here on Amazon. A sale would be amazing, a review even more so. I'm still on my feet for the moment, and any support you can offer might just keep me there a little longer.

    As always, my eternal gratitude is with you. Talk to you soon,

    - K.


    New Beginnings, and Old Excuses...

    It has been 3 & 1/2 years since the last episode of Zach & Gillian went live.

    No, that was not the end of the story... It was simply where I fell off. I gave up, and abandoned my writing endeavors. For the astute and vigilant, it was noticed that the website and podcast hosting did not vanish, but rather, lay barren.

    I am back to right that wrong.

    For starters, we've gone back to basics. Paladin Corps has finally been made into an eBook, and is live on Amazon as I type this. You can find it here

    Second, the amazing Tee Morris at One Stop Writer Shop has set me up with a marketting/blogging schedule that should bring a great deal more content to here, as well as Facebook and Twitter.

    Thirdly, Zach & Gillian is back on the front burner, with the first draft scheduled to be finished by the end of August.

    I have asked too many times for those who cheer me on to be patient, and I hate to do it again.

    ... So I won't. I'll just get back to pumping out content, and hope I bring you all back.

    See you soon,



    Coming Soon...

    A massive relaunch of my fiction, and a new page for freelance work.


    Zack & Gillian - Volume 1 is live!!!